God a misbelief?

God a certain misbelieve that I would like to believe logically speaking I know there is no god I know I am what my deeds lead me to. Everything I have I have it because of my own choices but deep down I want to believe in god. I want to believe my god lead me to where I am today. It guided me helped me and still helps me fulfill my dreams. Am I insane to think that, am I insane to give credit of my own work to someone who might not even exists. See how afraid I am to say he doesn't exist I want to believe he does, I am afraid of him too afraid to even tempt him but am I just afraid? No I seek his approval as well want to think what I am doing is right. I want to believe he thinks I am right. Now why does it sound similar to parent’s complex? Desire to seek their approval for every action no wonder we often believe our parents are our gods and just like more or less often we try to go against our parents same way we try to go against god yet ask for their approval their guidance.
Or as usual it proves we are scared people and always will be scared that we might not be here anymore if we say something against him, the same reason we all believe one day dooms day will come, the same reason we have set up boundaries around us and named the rules which we must follow some times on the name of God, religion, nation even our nature.

God is fear for most of people but also a friend who they believe listens to them. My comments about god may be immature I am not huge follower of him especially of god based on religion. It is just internal peace many crave for when they feel they need solitude and really tired of life needs place to rest not physical but mental one they look for god. I am tired but I wanna so much before getting rest I am sad I haven't seen so much but I do have craving for peace like rest of us, its very nature of element that makes us look for rest low energy when ever an elements has lots of energy it tends to loose to stabilize itself hot water freezes before cold one. God isn't someone I can summarize in few words. Mostly because its not science it has nothing to do with science but it did originated from science. God existence came into picture when humans tried to name powers they had no control. Objects everything seemed so godly then he started believing that someone out their make this happen. Or even directly praying to them. That is what I believe is very reason god exists
Still Cont...